Passionate love is a very necessary stage of love as it draws us into a relationship and allows us to ignore the faults and failings of the other person while the relationship is being established. Bestselling Author Eckhart Tolle describes falling in love as ‘an intensificaion of egoic wanting and needing’. His theory is that you become addicted to another person, or rather to your image of that person, and that it has ‘nothing to do with true love, which contains no wanting whatsoever’.

So, perhaps passionate love therefore, is not true love, but rather an immature love where both people are in love with how they feel when they are with the other person, an aroused state of passion that we have labelled love. Does this mean then that true love is what matures out of this passion and what is know as companionate love? Companionate love is a less self-absorbed and more solid love and is very different to what preceded it. Many couples feel they have fallen ‘out of love’ when the passion fades but are they really just getting to know true love without blinding passion getting in the way. It is during this shift and period of change from passionate love to companionate love that many issues arise in relationships. Many couples break up at this point and one or both go chasing what they feel they have lost, which is the passion in their relationship. This is often a time when couples seek counselling as they feel something is wrong and learning about the various forms and stages of love can be very beneficial to a relationship. 

If you feel you could benefit from couple counselling you can contact me in confidence on 087-1046800 or email